Dried Flowers
by YuKanda
Summary: Kanda accepts to share a difficult relationship with Lavi, even if well aware of the fact that the other was just a fake. He doesn't believe what Lavi says to him, yet he keeps staying with the redhead. LaviYu.
1. Chapter 1: Shot Through the Heart

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own D. Gray-man, UNFORTUNATELY all is into the hands of that crazy woman whose name is hoshino... Because if it was otherwise... D. Gray-man manga wouldn't have become a shapeless and disgusting jumble of nonsenses, and Lavi would have been together with Kanda from a VERY LONG TIME! **

**WARNING: YAOI hints - if you don't know what this word means, or if you don't like boy/boy relationship this story is not for you, don't say I didn't tell you! You know the song, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!**

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This is my first time at writing a songfic, even if it's a multichapter's one. Four songs, four chapters

Why a songfic? Well, it was what I had to work on for a contest, so I just used the opportunity to fix a couple of things...

Since it was a contest (you can think of it like a kink meme) I didn't choose the song, or more precisely the judge gave to each challenger a set of ten song and the right to choose up to five of them. For what I had in mind four of them suited really good, so four it was.

The song for this first chapter is "You Give Love a Bad Name" di Bon Jovi. I think it fit Kanda really well...

And, on another note, this is also my only way to keep living in this fandom. It will be pretty much clear on the last two chapters.

So! Beta is aquatix, thank you so much for your precious help! *BOWS*

As always, if you spot any error it's my fault, for changing something the beta suggested XD

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**DRIED FLOWERS**

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**Chapter 1: Shot Through the Heart**

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When I met him the first time, I was sure that I would end up killing the idiot. His way of doing, behaving towards me, brought blood to my eyes with amazing speed.

Not that I've ever been the patient type, but that caricature of Exorcist who dared to even call me by my first name beat all records. He mocked me showing no fear, each time challenging the blade of my faithful Innocence, Mugen.

I've never imagined it would end up like this. If someone had told me that the idiot with his ridiculous red hair would stole my heart, I would have mercilessly beaten up that person.

Instead, without even realizing it, I found myself in bed with him. Lavi got round me step by step, slowly imposing his presence like it was a game; and I, naive as I am, fell into his trap, lending

myself unreservedly to his playing fast and loose with me, chasing him with unsheathed sword for every trifle thing.

Until, to my great horror, I realized he had become so important to me to replace the air I breathed.

And then it was too late to turn back.

In vain I tried to convince myself to ignore the feeling I discovered inside me, repeating in a continuous cycle that it was wrong, that Lavi would never reciprocate. That for him being around me was only a pastime, the umpteenth sham related to his being a Bookman.

How wrong I was. On the night he gave me my first kiss, when he came to me with the serious look of someone who has a really important thing to say, I should have realized something was wrong.

"Why do ya avoid me?" He said in a hurt tone, almost as if I had committed a heinous crime against him trying to protect myself. "Why 'r ya lyin' to your heart?" he added seizing me by the shoulders and pushing my body against the wall, his lips joining mine to my dismay.

As if he knew something about a heart or feelings. _Che_.

I had to rebel, I was aware of it and I really wanted to, but what I was trying so desperately to deny took the upper hand over everything else; my arms clasped around Lavi's back and my mouth opened to better accept that perverse contact.

I knew it was forbidden, that Lavi was probably lying to me, but I wasn't concerned by it anymore.

I yield myself to him without any opposition, I accepted his words of love, but without believing any of them; it was obvious that he would stay with me just as long as the current war allowed him.

And yet I dreamed that it wasn't this way.

When the realization of what that desire meant hit me, I knew I was lost.

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_"Shot through the heart and you're to blame_

_Darlin' you give love a bad name"_

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Watching him sleep next to me produced a strange effect inside myself. I wasn't used to sharing space in such an intimate manner, I had never accepted physical contact with anyone else before; experiencing the urge to run my fingers through his flaming red hair, so suddenly, left me confused.

But I restrained myself, because if I woke him up he would pester me for days pointing out my weakness and associating it with my feelings for him, which I kept to deny.

Ridiculous, right? I allowed him to possess my body yet I refused to say how important he was for me, reducing everything to the raw sexual act.

Lust. Mortal Sin. It so suited both of us, ironically.

I was hoping he would never realize that it wasn't so, but that, in fact, he did own my heart too. Or maybe Lavi knew it, but he didn't care as long as he could continue to have me.

A sigh escaped my lips as I saw him smile in that special way of his, somewhere between innocent and mischievous, that so drove me crazy, with anger as well as with something else I preferred not to think about.

Fortunately, my healing abilities allowed me to show no physical sign of the lust I indulged in during my nights with Lavi.

My body hid this embarrassing secret, really well, the forbidden relationship that tied me up, body and soul, to the apprentice Bookman.

He, however, didn't seem to care that if we had been caught, his old man would severely punish him and force him to depart from the Black Order, while I probably would be processed by the high leaders as had just happened to moyashi.

The only positive thing was the end of dreams. When I realized it I thought I was wrong and I waited for the next unwanted memory to resurface, but... there were no others.

No more flowers, no more death visions, no more _her_. I long questioned myself about the true reason behind it, and I finally decided that the one answer could only be Lavi.

Having found _my own_ important person must have broken the curse. Yes, it had to be it. So the idiot had done at least something good for me, other than throw my life into confusion making me fall in love with him, without any hope of escaping such an uncomfortable and embarrassing feeling.

"Ya'r awake, Yuu-chan?" Lavi suddenly said, slipping an arm around my waist, drawing me closer to him.

He smiled at me, taking my breath away when his single green eye was fixed into mine, his face lit up with joy that seemed so damn sincere, but I knew too well it just was a deception.

A Bookman doesn't feel, they observe and collect information, and I, as a second Exorcist, was a valuable subject to research on.

"_Che_. It's obvious." I replied curtly.

Nevertheless, I let him embrace me and drew me back into the sheets, guide me in a passionate kiss, touching all over me in a way which I couldn't do without.

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_"An angel's smile is what you sell_

_You promised me heaven then put me through hell_

_Chains of love got a hold on me_

_When passion's a prison you can not break free"_

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I wondered if anyone had noticed the movement around my room when Lavi and I were at the Headquarters at the same time as me. Ignoring we was running a big risk deciding this, my lodging was the place where we met every night.

I didn't know how Lavi would justify those absences of his to Bookman, and frankly, I wasn't even interested. All I wanted was to have him for me, his kisses, his caresses, our bodies tangled together.

Yes, I was aware that I had become completely dependent on him, that the acts to which I abandoned myself could only be called by the name of lust.

I also felt terribly guilty for how the whole thing had reduced me, but I couldn't draw myself out of it.

No, it was even worse, I _didn't_ _want_ to drag myself out, for that relationship to end.

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_"Oh! You're a loaded gun, yeah_

_Oh! There's nowhere to run_

_No one can save me_

_The damage is done"_

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Lavi was behaving more and more like an affectionate lover, his every gesture, each word of love, was vibrating as if the expressed passion was a living thing. I so dreamed that it could be real to drown in the feeling that hearing him speak evoked in me.

But every time that phrase, "I love you, Yuu", made it past from his lips I forced myself to answer with one of my annoyed _"Che"._

In order to not give Lavi the satisfaction of knowing that he had broken me.

In order to prevent Lavi from understanding that I really loved him, hopelessly, completely, body and soul.

Because I knew that if he discovered it, if he had been certain about, Lavi would leave me. As long as everything remained as just sex, we could continue to be together.

If one of us had let himself be truly involved with the other, betraying to feel real love, anything we had between us would have ended at the very moment. And I didn't want to lose him.

In spite of the fact that for the Black Order's leaders our relationship was a Mortal Sin, as sodomy we committed, and the awareness that, for Lavi, I was just a pastime in which his actual persona had indulged into, I would have done everything to prevent it from ending.

Lavi's behavior broke the rules of his clan, from the little I knew about Bookmen, and yet he seemed determined to continue our little perverse game.

I found myself wondering about what would happen if Lavi had left the clan for me. Oh, if only it was possible!

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_"Shot through the heart and you're to blame_

_You give love a bad name_

_(Bad name)_

_I play my part and you play your game_

_You give love a bad name_

_(Bad name)_

_Hey, you give love a bad name"_

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Watching him speaking with Lenalee and moyashi, with the scientists, or simply to a Finder, was terribly annoying, the fake attitude Lavi kept was unbearable; and the thing that made me boil inside was his habit to keep that foolish smile even in critical situations in which coldness and seriousness were requested. But Lavi smiled at me in that disarming way even after getting a full hit by an Akuma, his blood stained fingers that touched my anxious face, like he was timidly trying to reassure me about his condition.

He looked like a naughty schoolboy, but just this young boy had become my forbidden dream.

From the first kiss he gave me I knew I was lost.

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_"Paint your smile on your lips_

_Blood red nails on your fingertips_

_A school boy's dream, you act so shy_

_Your very first kiss Was your first kiss goodbye"_

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Every time Lavi approached me, each time with his way of acting he joked with me, throwing an arm around my neck or trying to braid my hair, my resolution weakened and my defenses crumbled miserably into pieces at his feet.

With slower and slower reactions I got out from that contact, tempted for a moment to hold Lavi in front of everyone, to guide his hands to my body where I wanted him to touch me.

My voice was losing its firmness when he stared at me with his one emerald green eye, that seemed to be able to dig so deep inside of me to read my terrible secret, and along with it, the love I felt for him.

My hands trembled as I brandished Mugen against him. At this rate, sooner or later someone would notice that something had changed in me, that between Lavi and I there was a different kind of relationship.

My fate was sealed.

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_"Oh! You're a loaded gun,_

_Oh! There's nowhere to run_

_No one can save me_

_The damage is done"_

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I would have played along, I would have continued to give him everything he wanted.

During the day friends-enemies with the usual bickering, threats and sharp answers; at dead of night, passionate lovers hidden in the darkness of the four walls where we happened to find ourselves, being those walls from a hotel room during a mission or from the familiar space of mine at the Order's Headquarters.

Lavi never did protest about my rudeness, rather, he seemed to fully understand what I felt, too well for my taste. The fear that we set out for a road of no return began to creep into me more and more insistently.

Often that "I love you" that I've refused to utter rose to my lips pressing to be exhaled; my gaze then met Lavi's reading in his only eye anxiety and expectation, and immediately I shoved back those words to a remote corner of my mind.

Because the terms were clear, the unspoken rules of this game didn't include having feelings. The first one to break them would condemn the other as well.

This fake love was a slow agony, but I refused to give up on it.

Because it was all I had of Lavi.

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_"Shot through the heart and you're to blame_

_You give love a bad name_

_(Bad name)_

_I play my part and you play your game_

_You give love a bad name_

_(Bad name)_

_You give love, oh!_

_Bad name"_


	2. Chapter 2: Away from You

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own D. Gray-man, UNFORTUNATELY all is into the bungler hands of that crazy woman whose name is hoshino... Because if it was otherwise... D. Gray-man manga wouldn't have become a shapeless and disgusting jumble of nonsenses, and Lavi would have been together with Kanda from a VERY LONG TIME! **

**WARNING: YAOI hints - if you don't know what this word means, or if you don't like boy/boy relationship this story is not for you, don't say I didn't tell you! You know the song, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!**

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The song for this second chapter is "Tengo Muchas Alas" by Manà. Even if I didn't listen to it before, I found that the lyrics followed quite well Lavi's thoughts and emotions... To tell the truth, I listened to the song just thirty seconds, only to have an idea of the sound, but if you'd ask me now I couldn't tell you which music it plays XD

All the more that it's Spanish, so I preferred to use an English transaltion found through the web. What I needed were the 'contents', you know... Well, I haven't had that much of a choice given the fact the songs were imposed, so... it was what I got.

Beta are **aquatix** and **Jolee Finch**, thank you so much for your precious help! *BOWS*

As always, if you spot any error it's my fault, for changing something the beta suggested XD

On another note... Can I say HOW MUCH I HATE the fact I can't space properly my fucking text?

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**DRIED FLOWERS**

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**Chapter 2: Away From You**

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It was a bit after the time when I realized I fell in love with the only person I should have not, breaking my vow as a Bookman, lying to my mentor to avoid the risk that he might find out and because of that, take me away from him, from Kanda Yuu.

Living among the Exorcists awakened in me that heart I shouldn't have had at all; I became friends with Allen, learned about Lenalee's sensibility and her love for those she considered as her family. That is, all of us in the Black Order.

And I met him first when I arrived at Headquarters two years ago, Kanda Yuu.

The only person who refused to interact with me, very often even to just talk to me. I made teasing him my mission. And I ended up being trapped in it, as a victim of the love I wanted to stir up in Yuu.

A dangerous situation for me, but instead of stifling that feeling, I fed it, and at some point I even tried to ensure that the object of my attentions would understand which was my embarrassing secret. Instead, he ignored me, deliberately, in my opinion.

So, I did the wrongest thing I could try: I decided to confront Yuu to tell him about my love.

When Yuu didn't show any resistance against my attempt to kiss him, I was very surprised. I was expecting to be hit with ferocity, forcefully pushed away with disdain and disgust. Instead Yuu wrapped his arms around me and returned the kiss.

For a moment I froze, unsure if it wasn't all happening in one of my dreams; lately Yuu has been populating them that way a lot.

I became sure that everything was real when his fingers sank into my back and teeth were stuck firmly on my neck. The pain was real, Yuu hadn't rejected me.

I thought he'd never accept being in this kind of relationship with anybody, let alone someone like me. Instead, days after, he'd let it happen again, allowing me to kiss him once more, to touch and caress him; Yuu had even yield to me, surprisingly consenting me to be the one who took him. Perhaps because he knew that while he wouldn't have shown the signs, I would.

Odd of Yuu to worry about me, but probably he cared about himself the most; preventing anyone from suspecting about us, he made sure not to lose his lover. Or his toy?

Because, not even after our relationship had become deep had he told me to feel something for me. Never once had he responded to any of my "I love you, Yuu." Never.

He always reserved for me one of his annoyed _"Che"_, as if what I had confessed was to him cause for embarrassment, for shame. As if Yuu was only using me for his pleasure, and then felt dirty right after having enjoyed it.

I was hoping to succeed in melting the ice around his heart sooner or later, but it seemed that it would never happen. Maybe one day, I kept saying to myself, maybe.

Meanwhile, I continued following his wishes, pretending that all was just fine, that my only interest was physical enjoyment as well. Because if Yuu had realized that our relationship had gone beyond mere sexual attraction, I was sure he would leave me. Love was a weakness for him, something awkward and limiting.

Then I realized that he didn't believe me. He saw in me only the Bookman apprentice, so he thought my words were always lies. And he didn't trust me.

No matter how he felt towards me, he would never reveal it to me.

"You can stay back if you want, you know," Yuu said when the Level 4 was about to charge us, during the Headquarters' attack from that Noah with the power of transformation.

But I couldn't do without him. As long as I was able to, I've stayed by his side, always. I'd sacrificed my life for him if necessary. I did everything in my power to help him, even without the Innocence, and I didn't care if I get hurt.

When Yuu looked at me with that anxious and yet angry expression, I raised my bloodied fingers to brush against his bruised face.

_I will always be here for you, Yuu, even if you say you don't need it._

"Yuu..." I muttered, but he didn't answer.

He got up, and after throwing just one look at the scientists in fibrillation to care for our injured companions and to those who were mourning for the dead, Yuu walked away disappearing into the crowd of the battle's aftermath, without looking back at me even once.

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_"Do not say that I do not love you,_

_Do not say that I do not trust you,_

_love in my body and soul._

_Because I gave my life for you_

_I was here, never failing, if I trusted myself."_

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Any attempt to have Yuu understand that my feelings towards him were sincere fell on deaf ears. He seemed unable to contemplate the possibility that I had changed, that I had stopped pretending at least to him.

His irritation at seeing me laughing and joking with Allen and Lenalee was blatant, the coldness he showed toward me even in the intimacy of his room was terribly painful.

"Yuu, I'm an apprentice Bookman, y'know." I told him one night, but he didn't answer. He turned on the bed to face the wall, as I kept talking. "I've never hidden it. And it's true that I should remain impartial and avoid any bond. But t'live here with ya changed me. Ya've changed me." I drew him to me, burying my face into his beautiful black hair, using one arm to encircle Yuu's waist with affection. "I'm no longer the person I was b'fore, I found my heart." I whispered into his ear, and I felt him trembling slightly. His hand covered mine, and he let himself exhale a weak sigh. "I really love you, Yuu." I repeated once again, as if it was a prayer.

"Don't say it, you know it's not true." Yuu finally answered, even if without driving me away, letting his fingers keep holding on mine.

_Why, Yuu? Why can't you believe me? You're not just ink on paper for me, maybe once it was true, but not __anymore__._

_Not __anymore__..._

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_"You did not accept me as I was,_

_and each time that I extended my wings, you cut off Them._

_You never wanted to accept, all of us have a past,_

_Past is past."_

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Maybe I made a misstep, or the old man is beginning to fear those same events which he's here to record. The disappearance of General Cross' supposedly dead body, the Innocence's mutation... It seems that the latter especially bothers him.

So, looks like we'll finally leave. I've never thought that the day I had to part from you would really come, Yuu. I'd never wanted the sun to go down on us.

I can only console myself by thinking that I still have so much to learn, so many new places to explore. Like a swallow leaves the nest, I'll spread my wings and fly away from here.

Away from you. And I have no certainty of returning.

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_"But today the sun is leaving Already,_

_That and I know I have many skies to fly,_

_and I know the wind That Gives Us All Our backs wings,_

_the wind makes me fly."_

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If I could have chosen, I would've stayed by your side. If you had asked me, I would've disobeyed, regardless of the consequences.

But when I told you that I and Bookman were leaving, you just looked at me surprised and shrugged.

"Sure," you said, your wonder changing into bitterness. "I've always known." you added turning your shoulders at me, like I had betrayed you, as if to me all of this had always been just a cruel game.

But even if you knew I'd left you, you accepted me in your bed all the same that evening, as if it was your way of saying goodbye.

And I'm leaving, sick at heart; that same heart I shouldn't have had, and that will stay with you even after I'll be gone.

Bookman will lead me far away, I don't know where either. He drives the wings of my destiny, nothing can keep me here now.

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_"I have many wings for getting to the sky, the wind makes me fly,_

_I have many wings for getting to the sun, nothing can stop me,_

_That I know is going to blow the wind, the wind is going."_

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I'm going to leave you and I hate myself for my weakness, because you yielded to me this last time hoping to keep me here, and I disappoint you.

I'll spread my wings in spite of how painful it is separating myself from you, since this is my destiny as a Bookman.

So I won't ask for forgiveness. Even if I love you, I don't belong to you as you don't belong to me, and believe me, I rather want it could be so. I would give anything so you could be mine, forever mine.

Instead I'm running away from you like any coward, without taking you along with me.

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_"I'm going to open my wings no matter the harm,_

_even if I drop, I'm going to reach the clouds and kiss Them._

_And even if I love you I'm already going away, and even if I take you_

_today I am not yours, asking mercy."_

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I know I've never been the person you wanted by your side. I know you hated what I am, and now you'll hate it even more.

Yet I had always hoped you'd understand, that you'd finally believe me.

The heartless Bookman is long dead, and this new one loves you unconditionally; but you'd never wanted to accept it.

If I ever see you again, will you want me back with you?

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_"You always refused me as I am, what I am always rejecting,_

_I am not what you wanted._

_You never wanted to accept, all the world has a past, love,_

_Already passed the past."_

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Leaving the Black Order behind me, I wonder how many places we'll have to visit before coming back, if we'll ever do it. And I want to believe it'll be so, because despite everything we can't escape forever from our vow as Exorcists.

For now, however, we're leaving, heading to another battlefield. To all of you who stay, good luck.

Even if you're not here to greet me, Yuu, take care of yourself.

One day we'll meet again, I'm sure about it.

I look back one last time, hoping to see you appear, but I find only emptiness.

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_"But today the sun is smiling to me,_

_Unless I have many skies for flying already,_

_Unless the wind gives us all back wings,_

_the wind makes me fly._

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_I have many wings for getting to the sky, the wind makes me fly,_

_I have many wings for getting to the sun, nothing can stop me,_

_today my heart ... It rises, I'm going to fly."_


	3. Chapter 3: Alone

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own D. Gray-man, UNFORTUNATELY all is into the bungler hands of that crazy woman whose name is hoshino... Because if it was otherwise... D. Gray-man manga wouldn't have become a shapeless and disgusting jumble of nonsenses, and Lavi would have been together with Kanda from a VERY LONG TIME!**

**WARNING: YAOI hints - if you don't know what this word means, or if you don't like boy/boy relationship this story is not for you, don't say I didn't tell you! You know the song, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!**

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The song for this third chapter is "Alone", from Gensoumaden Saiyuki animation soundtrack. As a great Saiyuki's fan I even own the original CD for this beautiful OST, but I never listened to this ending much because it's a slow song and I'm more the type for violent rhythms... That's why I never dwelled upon reading its lyrics translation, and I was astounded when I actually read it XDD

Well, you always discover new things!

Okay, beta is **aquatix**, thank you so much for your precious help!

As always, if you spot any error it's my fault, for changing something the beta suggested XD

What else to say...

Merry Christmas? XD

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**DRIED FLOWERS**

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**Capitolo 3: Alone**

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After Lavi's departure, Kanda found it extremely difficult to bring his life to the normal routine he kept before their relationship started. And the days slipped by him monotonously and devoid of any appeal, the missions Komui entrusted him with had become an unbearable burden, especially when he was flanked by the useless Moyashi.

The winter came, and with it came the snow. The streets of London became cold, and Kanda continued incessantly to wonder where Lavi was at that time, even while waiting to capture their current target, the elusive thief G.

Snow. Wind. Unnerving wait. Needless battle.

How much time had passed quietly, and just how much still had to pass without receiving any news of him? How many seasons were gone, and just how many had to follow one another before he could see him again?

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_"A dry breeze is blowing_

_The city is getting cold_

_I wonder how many seasons have passed_

_without even a sound?"_

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The comings and goings of people, mission after mission, each with their own problems, conflicted with his duties as an Exorcist; this time they refused to hand over to the Black Order the latest compatible person identified and these setbacks irritated him beyond measure. Kanda would have exploded, unleashing his rage on the poor victims, but he didn't have the time...

Another battle overthrew him, perhaps an equally desperate one as the one he faced some time before at the old European Headquarters.

Another Level 4. A mortally powerful opponent, a challenge that required him to muster all his energy. Each wound received, every step he dragged towards the enemy, bleeding and yet stubbornly determined to refuse on giving in, it did nothing but exacerbate his desire to see Lavi again.

Kanda fell and stood up. With a bitter grin the samurai flung into the fray; he wouldn't succumb to the pain, he'd force himself to go further even if the future he hoped for would never come. He'd never had a future so why the complaining now?

In the sultry unnatural mist produced by the Akuma's explosion the world was floating in the distance clouding his senses, blurring the images until they turn into what his mind wanted to see. The flash of red hair looked so real...

Kanda mentally laughed at himself, while unexpected help took care of the remaining enemies, preparing to confront the emptiness of the days to come.

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_"All of the people coming and going_

_Bear heavy burdens,_

_searching for tomorrow_

_Within the wavering heat haze in the distance."_

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Lavi had returned to the Black Order; as if nothing had happened the redhead showed up in front of him, smiling as always, like he'd never gone away.

Kanda ignored him as it was expected he would do, opposing his icy façade, focusing his own attention solely to the daily routine he'd been imposing on himself.

But when he was alone in his room and his thoughts wandered freely, Kanda felt that his existence was slipping away from him, falling between his fingers like fine sand.

He didn't expect that to happen, but Lavi had returned, and was behaving as if they were strangers. Kanda took his head in hands, clenching his jaw in a bitter, almost ironic, grimace.

_"I love you, Yuu."_

_"I have to leave with Bookman."_

All of a sudden these words started to alternate inside his mind, accompanied by pictures of events and people, merging together to create a single phrase printed on Lavi's face, only to be overshadowed by another one he thought was gone forever. Instead, those words echoed, overbearing, sticking like sharp shrapnel into his heart, painfully, deeply.

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_"Feelings like sand_

_falling through my hands..._

_Back then, the words that pierced my heart_

_Suddenly started to throb with pain, but..."_

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She had returned. Kanda saw her again.

That woman, who tormented him with her face whenever his consciousness waned, the woman who infected his mind like a cancer, appearing when his control faltered, that damned woman who owned his thoughts and whose name Kanda didn't even know. The parasite who claimed to love him.

And with her there were the flowers, and dreams of death. He thought he had defeated them forever, but they were still there waiting for his defences to give way.

At the beginning the appearance of that vision had confused him, in particular the strong feeling that accompanied it and the overpowering desire to meet her. Kanda didn't understand what was happening, he was only nine years old and couldn't handle emotions so intense.

And those memories that didn't belong to him troubled Kanda even more, the boy believed to be dead and then brought back to life, until he'd been explained what he was. No, it would be more accurate to say _what_ the scientists _had done_ to him.

Kanda then understood that the infection wouldn't have ever gone away. From that, his body would have never recovered, it couldn't.

He hated that inside his brain, there was something extraneous, something that caused him hallucinations and induced feelings. Someone else's memories surfaced, talking about promises made and events that didn't concern him. Kanda detested being entirely dominated by them, and even more so that his ego had been desecrated in this filthy way.

And he hated that woman. Oh, how deeply! And with her the memories of the man who loved her. If only Kanda could destroy her, get rid of this fucking girl and of everything else! But all he could do was to erect a barrier between him and those fake feelings, segregate all in the most remote corner of his mind; freeze his heart.

And even so, every now and then the darn thing resurfaced again...

She haunted his thoughts like a ghost, and Kanda was not entirely certain that in the fact she wasn't one, since he didn't know for how long the Exorcist whose fragments of memory he saw had died. So Kanda decided to uproot from himself every feeling to stifle, as well those who came as a reflection from those unbearable memories.

Suppressing and controlling each and every emotion had withered him, but it didn't matter to Kanda, nothing interested him more, since he was only a tool to fight Akuma, a prisoner of those who made him become like that.

There were times when Kanda had so badly desired to find the woman just to kill her and get rid of her rule forever, and days when he wasn't even sure she really existed...

Yet when the memories showed up the urgent need to search for that girl overwhelmed him making Kanda almost lose his wits. If he really had tracked her down, would the spell be broken? That one only hope made him remain stubbornly attached to his painful existence.

When Lavi entered into his life, awakening him from that sort of induced stasis he forced his heart to fall into, Kanda had the illusion that developing true feelings of his own had finally got the better of the ill plant that was so deeply rooted in him.

Looked like it worked, but he realized now that it was only temporary; it lasted just as long as Lavi hadn't deserted him.

The Bookman apprentice broke his heart and Kanda lost control of his defences, exposing himself to _her_ again. He called up the hatred he felt towards the unnamed woman to throw her out and regain possession of himself, trying to piece together the fragments of his ego, forcing his mind to stop thinking.

But then Kanda found himself lying awake counting the hours of those endless nights, his hand pressed onto the cold place Lavi used to occupy beside him. The feelings he had for the Bookman apprentice tortured Kanda as much as the sensations that those memories of _her_ transferred to him, so damn real they were driving him close to lose his mind. Some nights he seemed to be able to touch the face of them both if only he had stretched his hand before him.

No, Kanda wouldn't allow it to win, he wouldn't let a useless thing such as love to break him down. Fueling with hatred the barrier that sealed his heart he would have picked himself up again, continuing on his way alone, ignoring any outward interference.

Without hesitation, he would go ahead, heedless of the suffering accompanying him or of how much he managed to get far.

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_"I've searched for pieces of myself,_

_counting the endless nights all the while._

_These feelings are so becoming certain_

_Almost I lose myself._

_Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however in making."_

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Lavi was staring at the vastness of the sky over him with dreamy eyes, his expression lost in thoughts. The new war he was now observing couldn't distract him from his memories of Yuu, even though he did everything he could so that Bookman wouldn't realize just how much he had missed the Black Order. No... how much he had missed Yuu.

He began to dream about him almost as soon as they had separated, and desperately wanted to know if the other Exorcist was all right, if... Lavi put his hands cupped around his mouth, with the intention to shout the other's name to the wind in the silly illusion that Yuu could hear him, but his voice betrayed the redhead coming out in a strangled cry and tears began to fall down his cheek flowing merciless from his good eye.

He collapsed on the parapet of the great stone walls, under which soldiers were passing in a parade entering into the city, well knowing that if someone saw him in such a state Bookman would not fail to be informed about.

He wiped his eye by rubbing it with the back of his hand, sighing deeply.

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_"I wonder, why is the sky_

_so vast?_

_Even though I tried to yell, my voice did not come_

_Poured out and the tears."_

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The cry of a bird attracted again Lavi's attention on the clear sky surrounding him as far as his eye could reach; where was that hawk heading? To his nest, riding the wind?

Of course... for sure he was returning home.

That thought gave Lavi a painful stinging to the heart he shouldn't have. He couldn't go back to the place where he had been all this time with the identity of his 49th alias once he had abandoned it.

He had no place to return to.

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_"I wonder where the birds are flying off to,_

_As they freely slice through the wind?_

_One can not return to the same place_

_As it once was in days gone by."_

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Even if Lavi would have abandoned his dream to share his life with Yuu once the war was over, that wouldn't have relieved the pain nor would it stop the overbearing beat of that heart he'd just found, which belonged to Yuu only.

_One day, I'll succeed __in touching that sky, I will spread the wings of my poor trapped heart and find the strength to rebel against fate, breaking the rules that bind me and setting myself forth to find you, Yuu._

_I'll be joining you, I promise._

_I'll come looking for you, and I won't fail._

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Lavi looked at his mentor with his eye wide, fighting with himself not to show his wonder; had the old man just said they were going back to Headquarters?

He would be able to see Yuu again! But... what was he supposed to do now? How should he act towards him?

Would Yuu try to win him back? He couldn't afford this eventuality, even if he so strongly desired it to come true; the only thing he could do once at the Order will be to avoid Yuu and behave as though nothing had ever been between them.

Life was cruel.

But, he secretly hoped that one day this could change, that he could have Yuu by his side again.

Now, however, he had to comply with his duties as a Bookman, following his master's policy and ignoring his throbbing heart.

They would leave this place the day after to travel back where they would be in danger again, but he didn't bring himself to care; he was so impatient to see Yuu again, yet he knew he couldn't express these feelings once there face to face with him again.

Even so, Lavi was ready to follow Bookman in his journey, wherever the old man would go.

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_"Even if I give up my dream like this,_

_I will not suppress my soaring heartbeat._

_Someday, I want to reach_

_as high as the clouds._

_I'll spread wide the wings in my heart and journey once again_

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_I will reach it, without fail. "_

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Kanda had hid again behind his wall of ice that he'd worked so hard to build around himself since he had known what the source of the dreams that haunted him was, focusing only on the hate he had for their cause in order to continue to keep them at bay.

But the door he opened to Lavi, what he felt for him, didn't want to be ignored; Kanda tried in vain to find again the impassivity he was always marked by, and inevitably found himself staring at the ceiling of his room every night, so that to one point he lost count of how many of them had passed.

Those feelings were so strong that the mere thought of not having Lavi at his side anymore was relentlessly driving Kanda crazy.

The only thing that remained for him to do was to throw himself body and soul into the missions Komui entrusted to him, though this time he would be again accompanied by the unbearable moyashi.

He got up, ready to leave for his new destination, trying not to think where Lavi was directed in comparison to him.

Life goes on, regardless of all the rest. Kanda would continue to drag himself along with it as well, wherever this had led him.

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_"I've searched for pieces of myself,_

_counting the endless nights all the while._

_These feelings are so Becoming Certain_

_Almost I lose myself._

_Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however in making."_


	4. Chapter 4: Labyrinth

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own D. Gray-man, **UNFORTUNATELY** all is into the hands of that crazy woman whose name is hoshino... Because if it was otherwise... D. Gray-man manga wouldn't have become a shapeless and disgusting jumble of nonsenses, and Lavi would have been together with Kanda from a VERY LONG TIME!

**WARNING**: YAOI hints - if you don't know what this word means, or if you don't like boy/boy relationship this story is not for you, don't say I didn't tell you! You know the song, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!

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The song for this fourth and last chapter is "Labyrinth" by was this particular song what made flash before my eyes the way this story would end, making me decide that I would have used it to give a plausible vision for the latest facts.

The three songs remaining from the initial five gave me no suggestions, so I requested the change for two of them, as it was allowed in the contest's rules. I got five new songs from which I could choose my substitution, and... among them it was her, Elisa, with Labyrinth. I didn't know this song either, but as I listened to it, it struck me hard XD

I really think this song is perfect to describe Kanda's state of mind, the lyrics fit so well in an unbelievable way; and I also liked the song a lot. It's not usual for me to appreciate a song outside the animation world XD

Well, I know what you will think about the ending, but I can't help it... I so want it to be this way! Well, to me it is. So, meh, deal with it.

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Beta is **aquatix**, thank you so much for your precious help!

As always, if you spot any error it's my fault, for changing something the beta suggested XD

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**Dried Flowers**

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**Chapter**** 4: Labyrinth**

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Kanda opened his eyes, finding himself lying on a cold floor. His head was buzzing and every thought put on him a hell of a pain; despite that, he lifted his face up to see where he had ended up, and what he saw below him left Kanda shocked.

That thing... that thing inside the floor was...? No. Or yes? What the hell was going on? And if it really was him, what he should have done? He stood up slowly, moving first on his knees and then rising to his feet. He remained still in that position, staring into space in a daze, thinking.

What now?

Vaguely he noticed Allen's arrival and his little scuffle with the Noah and the Earl, while he was deciding... deciding... If that thing was alive in that state, he had to give it peace.

Kanda moved, jumping into the fray, but before he could do anything the Noah had taken control of the creature whom he have just recognized as his childhood ex-torture companion. The Noah with the weird eyes tattooed on his forehead used his power, hitting him and the moyashi, and Kanda's vision blurred.

He found himself spying on places familiar to him, as if a door into a forbidden world he had sealed in his mind forever was suddenly opened; or so he hoped it was.

He saw himself as a kid again and that sight terrified him despite the irresistible temptation to keep watching.

When he tried to escape from it, Kanda realized he couldn't stop reliving those events.

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_"Just like a spy through smoke and lights_

_I escaped through the back door of the World_

_and I saw things getting smaller_

_as well as fear temptation."_

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His captivity passed before him in all pitiful detail; the agony, the sorrow, the futility of it all overwhelmed Kanda and he had to remember even when the image of that woman first appeared into his thoughts.

The parasite. The hateful intruder who mocked scot-free of his conscience and his will, putting in his mouth words that were not his own.

All was repeating like at that time, everything seemed to revive, and Kanda had the sensation of looking himself through a mirror as he penetrated deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of his violated mind.

He was running, and then he was on a medical bed... and then he was screaming. Kanda's sense of reality moulded with pain, the memories of himself mingled with other memories in the labyrinth of his subconsciousness.

In the whirl of emotions by which he was hit, the fog seizing him stifled his perceptions, erasing every sound, even the one of the steps he was moving.

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_"Now everything is reflection as I make my way through this labyrinth_

_and my sense of direction_

_is lost like the sound of my steps_

_is lost like the sound of my steps."_

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He was raising a hand to the sky, and... No it wasn't his hand, it was the other's and flowers' petals swirled as far as Kanda could see... And then there was _her_.

_Damn you! Stop appearing before me!_

And the flowers, he saw them all around her, touched them with fingers that were not his own... Their dead petals floated in the air, sucked by a nonexistent wind.

A pungent smell struck him and he found himself immersed in a strange fog, his vision obscured while he was heading hell knows where, carrying someone he knew.

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_"Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog_

_Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog"_

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He saw in the distance someone else who was familiar to him: his captivity companion. The boy had so strange an expression, and his words then... Astonishment was painted on Kanda's face when his supposed self-proclaimed friend attacked him mercilessly. He was thrown to the ground, torn.

Confusion, pain, horror... disbelief. Blood. And still _her_.

_Vanish! Leave me the hell alone!_

Kanda realized his gripping a sword in his hand only when he saw the blade pierce through the body of his opponent.

And then something hit him hard in the face, shutting down the sea of memories. Vaguely aware, Kanda perceived the world around him tremble, and was swallowed by it.

When he managed to see again, he found himself overcome with debris, wounded in many places although was already healing.

Adult again. That, then, was the reality?

Kanda saw the thing that the Noah was trying to control moving to meet him, greeting him in a mocking way. He watched the boy returning to the form he had nine years before, and accusing him of his present condition as a servant of the Earl.

Without hesitation, Kanda told the creature that he would have destroyed him again just because of what he had become: an Akuma. Although no one expected such a reasoning from him, Kanda was willing to give his once torture companion the craved peace, in the only possible way.

But that Akuma was damn strong and on its second attack the thing succeeded in wounding Kanda so severely that caused his persecutor to emerge once more. She called him again and the Japanese Exorcist couldn't avoid listening to her.

He had to win, to survive to find that woman... and get rid of her. Kanda increased his synchro rate with Mugen and activated the subsequent illusions, determined to annihilate the enemy at any cost. His vision blurred, those memories once again began to flow like a black and white movie suspended in time and space, of which he was the main character and simultaneously he wasn't.

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_"I see my memories in black and white_

_They are neglected by space and time"_

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All Kanda's efforts to banish back again that past which didn't belong to him, closing it carefully in the most remote drawers of his mind, were thwarted in a flash. He had neglected everything to get to forget it all and thus regain control of himself, giving up to each aspiration, to hope for a future. Renouncing even to Lavi.

Kanda had let the Bookman apprentice going away from him, and for what?

Reality began to appear as a set of far forms to him, and everything Kanda's mind could register was the fury of battle, the roar of blood pounding in his ears.

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_"I store all my days in boxes_

_and left my wishes so far behind"_

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He was no longer sure of what he was doing, nor certain about where he was or what was happening to him.

All Kanda understood was having to win at all costs to finally be free.

But the fatal blow he had intended for the Akuma pierced someone else instead, someone who in some undefined time must have replaced his real opponent. He was... moyashi!

But why?

Why someone who had to be on his side was defending a fucking Akuma?

Kanda heard himself accusing the cursed boy of being just a damn Noah, and then something else was thrown on him: the Akuma.

He grabbed it confused, dismayed, estranged. What was happening to him?

Why it was all so vague, and his perceptions so hazy?

It felt like he was struggling in a maze, completely lost in the welter of his released emotions. Reality was muddling up with the Earl and Noah's lies and his comprehension capability was lost into nothingness together with the sound produced by his boots.

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_"I find my only salvation in playing hide and seek in this labyrinth_

_and my sense of connection_

_is lost like the sound of my steps_

_is lost like the sound of my steps."_

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Surprisingly, at some point the Akuma destroyed itself in his arms protesting senseless absurdity, and Kanda collapsed to the ground, his body ravaged.

Through the veil of suffering from his slowly healing wounds, Kanda heard the agonizing Akuma talking to the other Exorcist about things that were almost ridiculous if they were real. And... if they truly were?

As an incessant chant not wanting to leave him in peace those words penetrated the fog that enveloped his mind, getting to him and adding to the vortex of memories.

Kanda could smell them again, the lotus flowers... and someone held out his hand towards... and that smile calling him from the thick and pulsing fog that blinded his eyes, that face he wasn't able to see completely, obscured under the shade of memories.

Kanda ardently desired he would be able to run away from all this, but his footsteps got lost into the haze as well as his profaned mind.

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_"Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog_

_Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog"_

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And so _that woman_ was dead. A part of him laughed like crazy at that revelation, but another one instead was astounded. So she was an Exorcist, and the scientists had used her brain cells on his self-proclaimed friend.

What a terrible joke. That's why he felt so natural an urge to kill that particular Akuma... Speaking about destiny.

What should he do now? If, as from the look of it, his ex-companion was about to die again, knowing that it was final this time, would the memories vanish?

Kanda tried to get up, but the world around him was confused and fuzzy and Allen's words got to him muffled, distant and indistinct. What was the moyashi asking him?

Without understanding how come he ended up doing it, Kanda found himself running with something cold clasped in his arms, and from his mouth came impossible words, no, it couldn't be him the one uttering them... he simply couldn't...

And he was... running away? Where? With what?

He saw himself mirrored in the other Exorcist's eyes: he was... smiling?

What the fuck...?

His eyes lowered, and Kanda's conscience screamed being a prey of horror: he was holding the remains of the Akuma. And then he was swallowed by a blinding light.

When Kanda could see again he didn't recognize more than a gate closing itself and he heard something muttering by his side, but he wasn't sure of what it was saying.

The words reached him altered and his brain didn't seem to fully register them, as if it was unable to focus on the present. The incessant chanting that didn't want to leave him was trying again to penetrate his mind's defences...

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_"Words sounds music and I'm spinning_

_Words sounds music and I'm spinning out"_

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Or maybe it was all a terrible nightmare, and he would wake up any moment now close to Lavi. Kanda prayed with all his being it could be so, and ordered himself to to open his eyes... Instead it turned out he was hugging something else, whispering words of comfort.

It was certainly an atrocious dream, but then why the hell couldn't he wake up?

The Akuma in his arms murmured something else, and Kanda discovered that he could not break free... oh, the world around him swirled in so strange a way!

Perhaps if he had waited there long enough the rain would came to purify him, washing away all that horror.

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_"But I want to stay here_

_'Cause I am waiting for the rain_

_and I want it to wash away_

_everything, everything, everything."_

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All that pain, and the unbearable smell of by now dried lotus. All those memories that bombarded his altered consciousness, his clouded mind struggling to maintain a drop of reason in this madness.

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_"Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog_

_Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog"_

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And then there was nothing anymore. _She_ had stopped calling, and the cancer inside him to respond. Was he free?

The realization of it left Kanda petrified in the position in which he was, his face turned toward the strange sky standing above him though his closed eyes couldn't see it.

The lotus petals swirling constantly before his eyes had vanished in the fog along with the image of her.

Finally.

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_"Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog_

_Scent of dried flowers and I'm walking through the fog_

_Walking through the fog"_

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"Yuu?" Hearing that familiar voice calling his name partially shook him out of the state of apathy into which he had fallen, but even if his eyes suddenly opened Kanda didn't raise his face to look at the source of the sound.

"Yuu?" the voice called again, and this time Kanda reacted by focusing his gaze on the owner of that voice. "Are you okay?"

Lavi? No, impossible, he couldn't be here... It wasn't real, the stupid nightmare was making a fool of him again. He blinked his eyes a few times, trying to fully focus the figure in front of him through the veil obscuring his vision.

The young Bookman appeared to be surprised by something, perhaps by the expression on his face, as Kanda perceived two trails of tears riding his cheeks. He met Lavi's only eye and saw concern in it; the redhead took a step forward, holding out his hand toward him, but Kanda kept staring incredulously at him convinced the redhead was just a figment of his hallucinating mind.

"What's that ya're holdin'?" asked the apparition.

At the question Kanda stiffened, realizing that there really was something pressed against his chest, that imaginary Lavi was right.

Suddenly he let go of his grasp shrinking back, horror painted all over his worn out face, and that thing fell to the ground with a thud, partly cushioned by the sand covering the soil.

The remains of the Akuma that had once been his captivity companion stared lifeless at Kanda. That same thing who claimed to hold the woman whom he so hated. Finally a corpse.

"I don't know." Kanda said, hoping that her death had written the word 'the end' on dreams and memories.

"Ya don't know?" Lavi repeated even more surprised.

"No. Not..." Kanda swallowed hard. He was no longer certain of anything, neither of having lived the last events he remembered, even less so about what really was the stump next to him. Not to mention the place where he was or the fact that he could see Lavi in front of him asking those awkward questions. "I..."

"I struggled a lot, y'know, t'get Allen opening this damn gate t'come an' take ya back." Lavi's image said sitting by his side and putting a hand on his shoulder. "He raved ya'd somethin' personal to fix. I've to thank Lvellie if I'm here"

Kanda gave a start, both for what it was just revealed to him and the touch of those fingers on his bare skin; the contact was real, Kanda could feel it... he was there with him... Lavi.

He looked at the redhead with wide eyes, as if he was seeing the other man for the first time at that very moment.

"Lavi?" Kanda murmured drowning in the smile that the young Bookman addressed to him, and Lavi nodded. How much he had desired to have the other man back there for him, for him only! It was like he had suddenly awakened from the damn nightmare possessing him, his mind clear again and lucidity regained. He turned towards the Akuma. "It's what is left of those crazy experiments the Black Order did." Kanda explained flatly, tightening his fists against his body. "He was my captivity companion at the Asian Headquarters before Mugen chose me."

Lavi's expression showed a genuine bewilderment; Yuu had never spoken so openly about what he had suffered by the Black Order before he had become an Exorcist, although the redhead had always suspected that it wasn't so different from the treatment the scientists reserved for Lenalee.

He got up, approaching the Akuma's lifeless body.

"So this was the failed experiment they used t'play with dark matter." Lavi said examining the remains more closely. It looked like a clay doll now broken, the cracks of time that crossed up the entire body to disfigure its face.

"You knew?" Kanda said, shaken by that revelation.

"One of the agreements Bookman made provides the knowledge of all the Order's secrets. We've studied this as well. Just, I didn' know ya were involved, Yuu." Lavi murmured in a sorrowful tone, turning back toward the other Exorcist. "How had ya kill 'im?"

"It's not my work. It self-destructed." Lavi gave him a quizzical look, and Kanda was forced to give further details. "I'm the reason."

"Yeah, I guess ya were friends." He held out his hand to help Kanda up, but the samurai looked away from him pointing his gaze to the ground, so Lavi knelt again in front of the Japanese man.

"No. And I don't want to talk about it." Kanda replied when a hand forced his face to look toward its owner, and he had to meet that incredible green eye capable to read into his soul.

"Ya were cryin', Yuu." Lavi pointed out, brushing a tear with the finger with which he held the young man's cheek. "Y'can't deny it."

"I wasn't in my right mind." Kanda protested in an icy tone, sharply moving the other youth aside and finally getting to his feet, just a bit wobbly on his legs.

He wanted to leave that place immediately but he had no idea how to do so. He was about to try calling Komui through the earring-communicator that the man had given him, when he felt his wrist being grabbed and himself dragged back to collide with something warm: Lavi's body.

"When all this is over, I'll take ya away with me, Yuu." the Bookman apprentice whispered with a voice full of emotion, embracing Kanda tightly, his face buried against the hollow of the other's neck. "Forgive me for not havin' had enough courage to decide doin' this b'fore..."

Lavi knew perfectly well that this was the worst time to ask for forgiveness, but given the almost desperate current situation he was afraid he wouldn't have another chance.

Kanda went immediately stiff in Lavi's arms, breath caught in his throat.

"Let go of me, you idiot!" He hissed, trying not to let his voice sound desperate, so thirsty for those words but aware of their falsity. "I hate it when you make a fool of me!"

Lavi, however, didn't seem willing to listen. Rather than loosening the tight embrace, the redhead clenched his arms around Kanda even more, taking his breath away. Kanda really wanted to rebel, to hit him and escape by force from Lavi's grip... Instead he was paralyzed, his eyes wide with astonishment. The problem was that he had wanted so much to hear those words from the Bookman apprentice's lips that he was almost about to accept them as being true.

"You've never b'lieved me, even now, but I've always told ya the truth." Lavi continued encouraged by Yuu's lack of reaction, slightly moving away from him to be able to look into the other youth's beautiful dark eyes. "I love you, Yuu. From the depths of this heart I shouldn't have. I want ya stayin' with me when the war'll be over, despite the Bookmen Clan's rules."

Kanda stared at him in disbelief with his lips just a bit parted in front of the sincerity that shone from Lavi's speaking tone and which he could clearly read in his only eye. If really Lavi had never lied to him, then he'd been a colossal idiot to push the redhead away by treating him as if he felt towards him nothing but lust, pure and simple physical desire. Because he perfectly well knew that it wasn't at all the case.

"Lavi..." Kanda could not keep himself from whispering the redhead's name, surprising himself letting his hands slide behind the young man's back. He returned the embrace in which Lavi had wrapped him up, clinging desperately to the redhead after all this time spent wishing that this could happen.

"Will ya come with me?" Lavi then asked, casting him a sweet smile, the expression hopeful and yet veiled with a thin layer of fear.

Kanda nodded slowly, unable to convert into words the feelings he felt for the young man who clutched him tightly to his own body. The embrace suddenly became more stronger; that quiet assenting motion, to Lavi, meant more than a thousand words. He knew very well how difficult it was for Yuu to express what he felt, and the fact that he consented to go with him - implicitly admitting their relationship in doing so - left Lavi with the hope that Kanda also harbored some kind of affection for him.

Kanda lingered in the reassuring warmth the contact with Lavi's body conveyed to him, trying to sort out the confusion reigning inside his mind; concentrating in the attempt to make a logical sense out of the recent events, Kanda hardly jumped when the other Exorcist slightly departed from him, seeking for his eyes.

"It's time to throw ourselves back into the battle." Lavi observed with a touch of melancholy and a shiver of fear, given the difficult situation in which the other fighters were in. "What ya wanna do with...?" he said then, pointing to the remains of the Akuma.

Kanda turned to look at it and just then the mutilated body crumbled, leaving only a little heap of ashes to mix with the sand that was the soil of that place. The Japanese Exorcist shrugged, shooting a careless glance towards Lavi.

"Looks like we won't have to worry about it." he stated flatly, picking up Mugen from the place where it was abandoned when he had landed onto the sandy ground at his arrival there.

Lavi fumbled with his Golem, demanding the Gate's reopening, and the frantic sounds coming through the device were clearly sign that the battle was still raging; nevertheless it seemed that Allen had managed to reconcile his own problems with theirs, because an expanding light materialized out of nowhere in the thin air, creating a passage. The Bookman apprentice moved to enter it but was held by the shoulder.

"Lavi." Kanda called him, and the redhead turned to look at him, surprised. "I love you."

Lavi's single green eye opened wide in shock hearing that statement coming from Kanda's lips, but he was even more astounded by the blow that hit him full in the stomach together with it.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed making a wounded and outraged expression, but above all disappointed after being for a moment under the illusion that Yuu was going to show him his true feelings. "What was that for?" Lavi protested sullenly, pressing carefully on the injured area.

"For leaving me all this time." Kanda said succinctly walking through the Gate with disdainful decision.

Lavi could not help laughing as he ran after him.

"Wait for me, Yuu-chan!"

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**Final Notes:**

The first who dare to say "Mugen hadn't to be with Kanda" gets immediately killed by Mugen itself.

I refuse to recognize this thing, Kanda would NEVER EVER separate himself from Mugen, even if he was lobotomized! He'd rather stab himself with Mugen to take it with him than leave it behind him! Kanda is perfectly capable to do everything with just one hand, so it's totally absurd that he could throw Mugen at anybody to grab whatever shit he had to... and then leaving it to said idiot as well!

And, I finished this story before chapter 201 came out; but I decided not to modify the ending, because it fit well as it is in my opinion, given the fact that Kanda didn't know what was going on with Allen at that moment, so he could assume that Allen's pained sounds had to be from the battle, and not because of his current 'bondage' condition... While Lavi, who perfectly new it all, could most likely not say anything about it before going back.

Moreover, with this last chapter of "Dried Flowers" I officially drop reading D .Gray-man manga. This is my truth, and it bothers me to even bear out the little I conceded. From now on I will go my own way basing myself only on the true Kanda; I'm sorry but the one we saw from the moment he stabbed that meddler, Allen (it was him the one who had to blow up together with his little Akuma friend), is only a bad imitation of the Kanda we know and love. So I don't want to know how low he would fall from now on.

Besides that, for those of you who didn't know and were thinking that hoshino's clever idea was **VERY** original, well, I care to let you know that it's all COPIED. Looks like that good woman isn't able to do anything but steal others ideas and things. First she copied drawings from other manga, then the full drawing style of a particular mangaka she likes at that very moment... Now she is copying plot parts, too.

This last foolishness comes from Star Trek: the Next Generation. Yes, that's it!

For those of you who are not into Star Trek, I'll explain something before solving the mystery. Trill are an alien race that lives in symbiosis with another race; each Trill host into his/her body a member from the other race, because they don't have a physical shape suitable with their intelligence, giving them adequate "bodily support" they miss. The bond is so deep, and each of the two can see all memories and knowledge from the other.

Now to the point. One of this Trill, a male, had a romantic relationship with a female member of the Enterprise crew (doctor Crusher for the ones who know), a really serious thing either. One day he got a mission and... he got injured! And... OH NO! He died!

But just the host was going to die, so the symbiotic creature is transferred to a new host... and... HELL NO! It's a WOMAN!

Oh my, what a COINCIDENCE. Sounds like something familiar... So, the woman goes to the other host lover, and tell the poor prostrate female doctor: "It's still me, all "name of the dead man here" memories are in me now. I love you. If you want we could be together as we was."

The female doctor's face - → O_O "Err... I'm sorry, but I can't do it."

CORRECT ANSWER. Someone can't tell you something like this and you instantly accept it like it was the proverbial 'manna from heaven', that's simply absurd. Especially for someone grown up with the church rules saying "same sex= Mortal Sin". So Kanda's reaction it's the most out of character thing of the whole universe. First because it wasn't him the one involved with that woman, and wanting to be precise and coherent to his reactions he couldn't feel other but deep hate for her; same thing if we want to blame the unwanted memories from Kanda's donour, since the man was a churchgoer too. Especially him, I say, was a devoted person compared to Kanda.

But that's beyond the point, the basic thing is that it's all copied XD Congratulations, hoshino!

If now you're all like "wow, she's seething venom", YES. I AM.


End file.
